its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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