Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Never let your siblings swipe right.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
