How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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