I want to stick my p in your. b.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
