Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
