I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
