girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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