Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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