He passed out mid-signature
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
