Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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