the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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