i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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