Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
