before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
