i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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