currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
