Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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