I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
