proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
