i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
