Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
