My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
