i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
