Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
