dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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