It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
