If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
