in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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