Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
