he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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