WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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