My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize