Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
