how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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