he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
