We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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