I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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