hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
