I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
