i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
