Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
