Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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