my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
