apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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