Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
