Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
