we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
