i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
