i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
