The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I look better un-naked...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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