new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
