omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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