apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
