the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
