i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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