Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
