I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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