And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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