But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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