I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
