you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
