In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
