Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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