im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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